Supposed to Hurt
by hyrew
Summary: Set 10 years in the future. Nick is an abusive drunk and Jeff loves Nick too much to leave him. I suck at summaries. Sorry...
1. You're Always Sorry

"I thought love was supposed to hurt." Jeff mumbled bitterly to himself as he blankly stared at a picture of him and his boyfriend of twelve years. "It's all that I've ever known." He smiled dryly at the picture, remembering the night it was captured. It was last summer on Nick's 27th birthday. The two were hugging and had goofy smiles plastered on their faces. Nick had on one of his many cabdriver hats while holding a beer in one hand, dawning his favourite purple and white striped shirt. Jeff had both hands wrapped tightly around his lover. It was a good night. One of their only good nights. Jeff sighed heavily as he got up from the lumpy floral couch and walked to his bedroom to find Nick softly snoring.

Jeff smiled weakly. He looks so peaceful. Jeff didn't want to wake the sleeping boy. But, he had to. He had to leave for his first job, waiting tables in a small road side diner, in five minutes. "Nick?" He whispered, hating himself for having to wake the brunette. "It's eight, time to get up for work." Nick stirred for a moment before he opened his eyes slightly. He have himself a moment or two to let his eyes adjust to the light and his body to being awake.

"Ah, my head." Nick grumbled as he moved his left hand to his forehead, trying to alleviate some of the throbbing. "What happened?" He asked looking up at Jeff confused. His eyes widened when they landed on Jeff's face.

"What always happens." Jeff said turning away.

FLASHBACK

Jeff yawned as he unlocked the door to his crappy little apartment. Honestly, he wasn't even sure why he bothered locking the door in the first place. The blonde had nothing worth taking. He walked in and wrinkled his nose at the stench of mold hidden somewhere within the paper thin walls. He grimaced at the sight of mousetraps with giant brown rats, still alive, hooked to the trap. Jeff was just getting home from his second job, a local 24/7 cafe a block or two away from his apartment building.

Jeff looked at the clock and sighed deeply. It was midnight. Nick got off from work at seven. He's out drinking again. Jeff thought as his frown faltered as he attempted to suppress another yawn.

He was tired. Tired of everything. Tired of Nick wasting all their extra money on booze. Tired of living with rats. Tired of living in a shitty little roach-filled apartment. Tired of hearing Nick stumble in through the door every night, if he even bothered to come home, besotted. Tired of having to work his ass off at two jobs while having nothing but empty bottles to show for it. He was tired. He was just so tired.

Jeff watched the clock's long hand make a full circle a few times before he decided that Nick wasn't coming home tonight, or at least not any time soon. Jeff didn't mind, he needed to go to bed anyway. He needed to be up at six to get ready for work before waking Nick up.

Just as Jeff began to drift off into sleep he heard a loud banging sound that shook the apartment, effectively waking him up. He knew what was going on. Nick was just now getting home. Drunk. As usual. Jeff stiffened as he heard Nick slurring his name over and over again. He needed to get down their and great his lover. He knew what happened when he ignored him. Jeff quickly got out of the bed and walked into the living room/kitchen area.

Jeff smiled shyly, as if afraid. "Hello Nick." He said as soothingly as possible. "It's getting pretty late, why don't we go to bed?"

Nick turned around and sent Jeff a dark look before shouting "NO!" He suddenly became enraged as he thrashed around the tiny apartment, smashing anything that wasn't already broken. When he was finished he shot Jeff another dirty look. "Thiis is all yer fault-youu know-dat?" He spat on Jeff's face when he was finished.

Jeff's smile remained. He didn't want to upset Nick any more. "I-I'm sorry Ni-"

Jeff was cut off with a hard blow to the face courtesy of Nick's fist. Jeff was knocked to the ground where he remained. "Yer nothin' but-a durty whoree. Yer no good." Nick grabbed a large chunk of Jeff's hair, using it to pull Jeff up, and kissed him forcefully. Jeff gagged at the strong taste of bourbon on his breathe. It was obvious that the brunette had ingested a lot of it. "Yer nothin'" Nick slurred. "You drug me down-you drug me down!" Nick finally let go of Jeff, letting him fall onto the ground. "I was going to be-somethin' but you drug me down. This is yer fault. All yer fault." Nick slurred as he glared down at Jeff.

Jeff was paralyzed with fear. Sure, this was a common occurrence at the Duval-Sterling home but it was something that Jeff could never get used to. He could never get used to the love of his life beating the shit out of him. He closed his eyes and waited for the innitial blow to the ribs that Nick always gave him when he returned intoxicated. After a few moments Jeff noticed that Nick wasn't kicking him, instead, he was watching him. Towering over him.

Jeff opened his mouth to say something. Anything. But all that came out was a string of half pronounced words. "Nick…I-I..Pleas-Nicky…" It was as if he was asphyxiated on the words that were trying to come out. Jeff could do nothing but cry as he stared up at the man he once loved. The man he still loved.

"Shudup!" Nick screamed as he gave Jeff a quick blow to the chest. He grabbed Jeff by the throat, lifting him up in the process. He continued to hit the blonde until Jeff started sobbing violently.

"P-please…stop. Please…N-nick. Stop. Please." Jeff sobbed, bruises already forming. Jeff looked into Nick's eyes, hoping to find some sympathy. He found none. Nick's eyes were cold and empty. Almost as if it wasn't Nick, the sweet boy he fell in love with so many years ago. Jeff's eyes were red and puffy from crying. "P-please…just stop. Please." He begged, barley getting any words out through his violent sobs.

Nick didn't say anything, instead he shoved Jeff to a near-by wall and forced his tongue into the blondes mouth. Jeff started to gag, the pressure on his throat from Nick's strong hands was starting to cut off all his oxygen supply.

"P-p-plea-se" Jeff barley whispered. Nick suddenly let go of Jeff's throat and watched as he slip down the wall.

"Yer useless without meh." Nick slurred. He didn't yell when he spoke to Jeff this time. He was talking matter-o-factly. The brunette kicked Jeff once more hard in the ribs before stumbling towards the bedroom.

Once Jeff knew for sure it was safe to move he curled up into a tight ball and cried himself to sleep. He was too afraid to go back into the bedroom where Nick was.

END FLASHBACK

Jeff wouldn't face Nick. He didn't want to confront him.

"Jeff…I-I…I'm so sorry…you k-know I would never-"

Before Nick could finish his sentence Jeff replied with a short "It's alright."

Nick got out of the bed and wrapped his arms around Jeff's thin waist. "I'm so sorry."

"…I know…You're always sorry"

"I- it wont happen again Jeff. This wont happen again." Nick said as he wrapped his arms around Jeff tighter. "It wont. I promise this time Jeff. It wont happen again."

"You said the last time was the last time." Jeff said squeezing out of Nick's grip.

"I know….It wasn't my fault though. I wasn't me last night. I was drunk and I wasn't thinking straight. It wasn't me Jeff. It wasn't. I couldn't help myself. I couldn't…I-…it wont happen again."

Jeff didn't reply. He knew exactly how the rest of the conversation would play out. Nick would apologize, tell Jeff that he loved him and that it wouldn't happen again. He would get mad and then come out and apologize to Nick before leaving for work. It always worked out the same way. Every. Single. Time. Because in the end Jeff was helpless without Nick. He couldn't do anything without the brunette. He loved Nick…and Nick loved him. He wasn't going to throw away thirteen years of dating down the toilet. Thirteen years of being in love. He couldn't.

"I love you." Nick finally said.

"Then don't treat the ones you love worse than the ones you hate." Jeff said coldly as he grabbed his bag and went into the bathroom to apply his concealer on his bruises. His left eye was a deep shade of purple and he had four small gashes on his lip. One of his cheek bones were turning a greenish colour and he had dried blood under his nose. Not to mention all the other cuts and bruises he was dawning under his shirt. Jeff quickly washed his face and applied his makeup.

Jeff walked out and saw Nick staring at him with sorrow filled eyes. Jeff frowned. "I-I'm sorry Nick. I shouldn't have over-reacted the way I did. I love you. Please forgive me?"

Nick smiled sweetly. "It's alright. I love you too." Jeff walked over and hugged Nick tightly. Nick kissed Jeff's forehead. "Now, you need to get to work."

Jeff smiled as he felt Nick's lips on his forehead. "Crap, I forgot about work." He said, sighing as he pulled away.

Nick cupped Jeff's face in his hands gingerly. "What would you do without me?" He said with a small laugh.

"Nothing, I'd be useless." Jeff replied all to seriously. "I got out some ibuprofen for your head Nicky. I love you." And with that Jeff left the tiny apartment for work.

(A.N:/ And that would be the end of chapter one. I don't really know just how long this story will end up being. It could go anywhere from two chapters to two-hundred…Ha, but yeah, I hope you all enjoyed it! Jeff, Nick, and angst are my ot3's haha so I hope you enjoyed! XOXO)


	2. Aftermath

Jeff sighed deeply as he sat down at one of the many empty tables at Helmholtz's, the diner he worked at. He hissed in pain when he sat, suddenly remembering all the bruises that covered his body from the previous night. The daily lunch special had just ended as Jeff took his one and only break. He yawned as he rested his forehead in his palms.

"Tired?" Asked an older waitress with obviously dyed blonde hair.

Jeff smiled softly. "Yeah, I didn't get too much sleep last night…I'll be fine though Loretta."

Loretta frowned. "This doesn't have anything to do with that damn boy of yours does it?"

Jeff laughed lightly. "You never have liked Nick, have you?"

"Never will either." She said with a smirk. Jeff replied with a laugh. "Seriously though, are you alright Jeffrey? To be honest, you look like shit."

Jeff looked up at his older friend. "Loretta, I'm fine. Promise. Nick and I just had a…little fight last night so I didn't sleep much. We made up this morning and everything is fine now." Jeff said, trying to convince himself more than the older blonde.

Loretta frowned. "If you say so….Just know that there is always a place for you at my apartment."

Jeff smiled. "Thanks, but I wont be needing it. I'm…happy with Nick."

The door of the diner opened and Jeff heard Loretta make a scoffing sound. He was too tired and too sore to give Loretta, or the door any notice. He didn't bother looking at the door.

"Jeff?" Jeff shot his head up at the voice.

"Nick? What are you doing here?" Jeff with a confused look on his face. The look changed when Nick took flowers from behind his back and handed them to Jeff.

"A little apology from me to you." He said smiling.

Jeff took the flowers and smiled back at the brunet. "They're beautiful."

"Just like you." Nick replied as Jeff's smile grew wider.

"I try." Jeff said laughing lightly before hissing in pain.

Nick frowned. "Your back?"

"I'm just still a little sore from…" Jeff stopped talking when he noticed Loretta glaring daggers at Nick's back. "I'll be fine in a few days."

Nick sat down beside Jeff and took his hand into his. "I'll make it up to you. Promise….Lets never fight again, okay?"

Jeff opened his mouth to speak but closed it again when he realized he had nothing to say. He didn't know how to reply. He never knew how to reply when Nick suggested never fighting again.

Nick noticed Jeff's silence and held his hand tighter. "I'm sorry."

"I know. You're always sorry." Jeff said looking away from Nick.

Nick frowned when Jeff looked away. "I mean it…You know that right?" He paused for a moment and waited and looked around, making sure no one was in the room. "I…I wasn't myself last night. You know that. You also know that I love you and that I'm sorry."

"I know you're sorry."

"Then forgive me. Please."

Jeff looked into Nick's eyes and have him a weak smile. "I always do don't I?"

Nick smiled back at Jeff. "I love you. So much."

"I know. I love you too." Jeff said sadly. Nick didn't notice the tone of his voice.

For the first time Nick gave Jeff a once-over. Not much of Jeff's body was visible. His face, and his hands were the only skin showing. His face had cover up to hide the purple marks but his hands had none. Both palms were bruised a deep shape of purple. Nick frowned, imagining how many other dark marks the blond had riddling his body.

"Jeff…I'm so, so sorry." Jeff didn't respond. "Y-you do know that right?"

"I know that you're sorry…You already apologized. We already apologized." There was a long pause between the two.

"…That doesn't mean that you've accepted my apology."

"Nick," Jeff began. "You need to stop drinking." Jeff noticed the hurt look in Nick's face when he spoke. "It's hurting you…It's hurting us. I want you to get better."

"You act like I have a problem or something." Nick said defensively.

Jeff squirmed away a little. He was making Nick angry and he knew he needed to stop before Nick hit him. "…Sorry…"

"It's alright." Nick said calming down and noticing the frightened look on Jeff's face. "…I'm sorry too."

"Wait, shouldn't you be at work?" Jeff asked, confused.

Nick looked at the clock on the wall. "Shit. I've been on lunch for an hour." He said getting up to leave.

"Nick." Jeff said grabbing the others hand and looking away.

"Yeah?"

"…Okay." Jeff whispered.

"What?"

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Let's never fight again." Jeff said finally looking back into Nick's eyes.

Nick smiled and hugged the blond. "Great. Then it's a deal." He said laughing lightly. "We can put the past behind us and move on."

Jeff gave his lover a pathetic smile. "Yeah."

"Now, I need to get back to work. Those advertising spaces aren't going to sell themselves."

Jeff laughed. "Oh, the life of a telemarketer!"

Nick laughed and kissed his boyfriend before turning to leave. "Now, I really do have to leave now."

"I love you." Jeff said as Nick headed towards the door.

"Love you two." Nick said leaving.

LATER

Jeff sighed loudly as he walked into his apartment. He had just finished work at the diner and had an hour before he needed to leave for his second job. He sat down for a few minutes before finally getting back up and heading over to the kitchen to prepare a quick meal for Nick and himself.

Jeff knew how his and Nick's relationship worked. It was a cycle. Nick would get drunk. They would fight. Nick would hit him then wake up the next morning and apologize. Next would come the flowers with a seemingly heart-filled apology. They would agree to never fight again then they would be fine for a few days until Nick would come home drunk again where the cycle would repeat. This was one of the nights where Nick would come home sober and the couple would pretend that everything was alright, even though they both knew it wasn't. At least, Jeff knew it wasn't.

As Jeff walked into the kitchen he walked over to the window above the sink to display his flowers. His frown deepened when he saw the still very much alive flowers on the window. The ones from the last time Nick had hit him. The ones he received three days ago. He took them from the vase gingerly, as if trying his best not to break the fragile flowers. He looked at them for a few moments before heading over to the trash can and throwing them out, replacing the old flowers with the new ones. Let's see how long these last…

Jeff went back into the kitchen and began preparing a quick and easy dinner. He was about half way done when he heard the door open and close with a loud slam. He stiffened at the sound. No. This is supposed to be a good day.

Jeff wandered out of the kitchen to see a very angry Nick. "N-Nick?…Is everything alright?" He glanced at the clock. He wasn't even supposed to be home yet.

"Those assholes fucking fired me!" He yelled throwing his coat off.

Jeff frowned. He knew as much as Nick that they couldn't live on just Jeff's income.

"Then the asshole at the bar wouldn't accept my credit card! Fucking dick!"

Jeff's frown depend. "The card has been maxed out for three months. You knew that Nick…"

Nick just glared at Jeff. "You never fucking told me that you got it got maxed out! Why are you wasting all our money!" He yelled getting closer to Jeff.

Jeff backed away into the corner of their living area. "I-I never touched the card…Y-you maxed it-" Jeff was cut off with a hard slap to the face.

"Don't lie to me!"

"I'm not!" Jeff cried. Nick hit him again. And again. And again. Until Jeff was crying on the ground.

Nick turned to leave the apartment when Jeff spoke up again. "Where are you going?"

"To go get a fucking drink! Not that it's any of your business!"

"I-I thought you weren't going to drink anymore!" Jeff said through his harsh sobs.

Nick replied by slamming the door so hard that he added a few more cracks to the already damaged door frame. So much for never fighting again. Jeff thought as he curled himself into a tight ball and cried. He cried for an hour. He didn't care about the food burning on the stove, or the job he was supposed to be at. Right now he did what he needed to do. Cry.

(A.N:/ It's really hard to make Nick a bad guy, haha. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I'll try to update with a third chapter soon. Oh, and Helmholtz is a character in the book "Brave New World". I couldn't think of a diner name so I just took a random book from my shelf and chose the first word I saw when I opened the book. It's a good book…just . Anyway, hope you enjoyed! :] XOXO)


	3. I Know

A few hours after their last fight Jeff heard the front door open. He called in work and told them he wouldn't be coming in. That he was sick. He limped over to the stove and turned it off before practically crawling back into his corner where he remained. He was still crying, though not as violently as before. His breathing hitched as he saw Nick walk into the kitchen.

The two remained silent for a few minutes, their eyes locked onto each other the entire time. Nick finally spoke. "You never moved?"

Jeff didn't say anything, instead he shook his head.

"Jeff..." He said sympathetically.

"Don't." Jeff hissed.

"I-I'm...Jeff...I'm so sorry." Jeff didn't respond. "I love you." Nick said knealing down to put his hand on Jeff's back.

"Don't tell me that you love me while I'm bruised and broken laying on the floor Nick." Jeff spat out forcing Nick's hand off of him.

Nick frowned. "Jeff..."

"Don't." Jeff said, starting to cry again. "Don't Nick. Not now." Jeff began to cry harder. Nick wrapped Jeff in a soft hug and let the blond burry his face into his shoulder. They remained silent until Jeff's crying finally stopped. Jeff sniffled quietly. "M-my ankle hurts."

Nick quietly folded up the pant leg of Jeff's right foot and gave a light gasp when he saw the bruising. Jeff's ankle had obviously been hurt when he fell. When Nick shoved him. It was dark and noticeably swollen compared to the other leg. "Jeff..." Nick said, guilt drenched in his voice. "I-is...is it-"

"No...I don't think it's broken." Jeff replied. "N-not this time at least."

"I'm so sorry Jeff. I don't know what came over me...I-I...I was just so mad. I couldn't think straight. I didn't mean to...I'd never..."

"Hurt me?" Jeff said bitterly.

"I-I would never!"

"Yet you always do!" Jeff yelled as he started to cry again.

"Jeff I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry Jeff!" Nick cried. "I love you. I love you so much Jeff. I'm so sorry! I wasn't me! I wasn't!"

"I need to go to the doctor Nick." Jeff said after a moment.

Nick's eyes widened. "W-what! Why? What for?" He started to panic. He already had a record for public drunkenness and fighting in a couple of bars. If he had one more thing, especially spousal abuse, he would go to jail for sure.

"To get my ankle checked out. Nick, it hurts really bad."

"But...but what about the money?" Nick said, trying to think of an excuse as to why Jeff wouldn't go to the doctor.

"I've been saving my tips...just in case one of us gets hurt." He said looking down. He meant in case he got hurt too badly. "I have about enough to go...or we could go to the free clinic..." Jeff was practically begging to go.

"J-jeff...I-"

"Please Nick. Please take me." Jeff said, tears forming in his eyes again.

Nick frowned. "How could I do this to you?" He asked more himself than Jeff as he looked at the battered man he loved. "I-I'm so sorry Jeff..."

"I wont tell." Jeff said quickly.

Nick looked at him confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I wont tell them that you hit me. I'll tell them...that I fell! All they need to do is check out my ankle. I'll cover up so they wont see the bruises. I'll put make up on my face. I wont tell Nick! I wont tell...I love you...I wont tell..."

Nick carefully picked Jeff up and took him to their bedroom so Jeff could change clothes and apply his coverup. "Lets go to the free clinic." Nick suggested. "Save your money."

"For next time?" Jeff asked bitterly.

"There wont be a next time Jeff." Nick said as he left the room to fill a bag with a few things. The two of them were both all too aware of how long the waiting time was for the free clinic.

The next three hours seemed to last forever for the two. Especially Jeff who was in agonizing pain. His ankle bruise seemed to almost double in size as the hours past.

"Mr. Duval-Sterling? The doctor is ready to see you now." The nurse behind the counter said, not bothering to look up from her magazine. Jeff couldn't help but laugh bitterly when he heard his last name being called. It seemed like an eternity since Jeff heard 'Sterling' in his last name. Not since his parents kicked him out and cut him off after they caught him kissing Nick. The two had a very small, private, wedding on Jeff's eighteenth birthday, ten years ago. It only seemed right to get married since the two knew they wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of their lives together.

"You ready?" Nick asked. Jeff only nodded in response. The two stood up, Nick wrapped his arms around the blond and proceeded to carry most of his weight as the two walked into the small white room. Nick lifted Jeff up onto the examining table. He frowned when he heard Jeff hiss in pain because of his still injured back.

They were alone in the room for a while until the doctor finally came in. "I'm Dr. Vargas." He said in a very bored tone. He was casually glancing over the charts the nurse at the front desk handed him. He never once bothered to look up at Jeff or Nick. "So Mr...Duval-Sterling-"

"Duval." Nick said correcting him.

"Right," The doctor replied, obviously not caring about his mistake. "Lift up your pant leg so I can see your knee."

"M-my ankle." Jeff corrected.

"Right." The doctor said as Jeff gingerly folded up his pant leg. The doctor scrunched up his nose for a moment at the sight of the bruised ankle. "And what did you do?" He asked.

"I..." Jeff went quiet and looked up at Nick. Jeff hated lying, even though he did it all the time to cover for Nick.

"He fell." Nick said quickly.

"I don't think it's broken." Jeff added in.

"Right. You fell." The doctor said in his bored tone. He poked Jeff's ankle and Jeff hissed in pain. "Can you move your toes?"

"Yes."

"Then it isn't broken. But you'll still need an x-ray to see what's exactly wrong with it." Jeff sighed. The x-ray alone would take about a quarter of the money he had worked so hard to save.

"Alright." Jeff said and Dr. Vargas went to get the x-ray machine.

It wasn't for another three hours that Jeff and Nick saw Dr. Vargas again. The desk nurse called the two back into the same white room where Dr. Vargas was waiting. He had Jeff's ankle x-ray on the board. "Well," He began. "You have a grade two inversion ankle sprain."

"How bad is that?"

"Inversion sprains are most common. About ninety percent of all ankle sprains are inversion, or lateral sprains. Grade two means that your ligament was partially torn. "

"So how is he going to get around?" Nick asked.

"A brace or crutches. Either will work fine." The doctor replied. "Now, if you don't mind I have other patients. Try not to fall again Mr. Sterling."

"Duval." Nick corrected again.

"Right." Dr. Vargas said as he left the room.

The two remained silent for a moment. "He knew." Jeff said.

"Knew what?"

"Nick, he knew." Jeff said looking into Nick's eyes. Nick finally understood.

"He would have said something." Nick said.

"No...He just didn't care..."

"Jeff..."

"No..."

"...Come on, lets go home. We already have an ankle brace."

"We shouldn't..."

Nick didn't reply at first because of his guilt. "I know."

The car ride home was spent silent. Nick was focused on the road and Jeff was staring out the window. The sun was starting to rise, meaning Jeff had to be at work in a few hours. That man noticed. He knew that I didn't fall on my own. He knew...and he didn't care. Am I really that worthless? Do I really not matter to anyone? I should be thrown away, just like the trash. That's all I am; trash. All my friends from Dalton lost contact with me. My parents shunned me. I haven't spoken to them in over ten years. Dr. Vargas couldn't give less of a shit about my well being...And the love of my life, my husband, beats me. My own husband can't even stand me...Am I really that useless?

"We're here." Nick said, knocking Jeff out of his thoughts.

"Alright...Nicky?"

"Yeah?"

"C-can you help me to the house?" Jeff said, mentally kicking himself for being so weak. He hated being so weak.

"Of course, I'd do anything for you." Nick said as he gave Jeff a loving smile. Just like the old days.

"Thanks."

"Jeff?"

"Yeah?"

"You know I'm sorry right?"

Jeff didn't reply automatically. He didn't know what to say. He knew Nick was sorry. Nick was always sorry. He was just never sorry enough to actually ever stop. "...Can't you ever be sorry before you beat the crap out of me Nick?"

Nick sighed and looked down. "I love you."

"I know you do."

"Do...do you love me back?"

"Of course Nick. I'll always love you." Jeff said dryly. It was true. Nick was the love of his life. He would always love Nick, that's why he always stood by his side throughout the years. He wouldn't leave Nick. He couldn't.

"And I'll always love you."

"Then...get better."

"Jeff..."

"Don't Nick."

"I'm...I'm sorry."

"I know Nick."

"...Why do you put up with me?"

"Because," Jeff started. "I love you."

"You always say that."

"And I always mean it."

"I know you do."

"Good."

"Jeff, I'll make this up to you...one day. I promise."

"You do a lot of promising."

"...I-I...this time I will!"

"Nick..." Jeff began but didn't say anything else. He didn't know what to say.

"This time it'll work out. I'll never hurt you again Jeffy."

"Nick I-...you always say that. You always say that it'll be better or that you'll never hurt me again but you always do. You always do Nick!"

"I know I always say-"

"You always say the same thing! That it'll get better!"

"And it will Jeff!"

"When Nick? When is it going to get better? When will anything change?"

"It wont happen next time."

"There's always a next time Nick! There should have never been a first time!" At this point Jeff was sobbing on the floor.

"Jeff...I-I...I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry Jeff. I never meant for anything to turn out this way..."

"I know."

"I just get so mad sometimes!"

"I know."

"I just can't control myself!"

"I know."

"I can't help it!"

"I know."

"I-it...it isn't my fault Jeff!"

"I know it's not your fault," Jeff began, "You can't help it anymore."

(A.N:/ Ha, I can't help but actually feel bad for Jeff myself…anyway, yeah. Thanks for all of you guys who have been reading, I really appreciate it and I hope you're enjoying my story (as much as anyone can enjoy angst that is…) I'll try to update soon. XOXO)


	4. Our Place in Time

(A.N:/ First of all I'd like to thank everyone for reading! I really hope you're enjoying the story so far! :] Anyway, here's chapter four. The title is from "A Place in Time" by Amanda Abazaidi (aka the song I was listening to as I wrote this chapter). Ha, this was actually supposed to be a oneshot…and now it's on it's fourth chapter…huh…anyway, Enjoy)

Nick was smiling as he leaped out of his car and ran to his apartment. For once, he had good news to tell Jeff. He practically broke the door down opening it.

"Jeff! Jeff! I did it! I finally did it! I got help- or at least I'm going to! I found a place that offers AA and anger management! I start next week! Jeff!" He yelled as he searched the place for Jeff. Nick couldn't wait to see Jeff's face. It was the first time in ten years that Nick had ever even attempted to seek help. He knew that he had a long, long road ahead of him before he would get better. But he needed to do it. For Jeff, the man he loved. The love of his life.

"Jeff?" Nick was beginning to get confused. It was Saturday, Jeff didn't work on Saturday's until seven p.m. and it was only two. "Jeff?" He called again. No response. He was beginning to get nervous when heading towards their bedroom a note caught his eye. He read it and began to shake.

EARLIER THE SAME DAY

Nick sighed deeply as he gazed at the blond. Jeff had fallen asleep hours ago but Nick couldn't bring himself to fall asleep. He knew he had hurt Jeff before but this time was…different. Jeff had never begged to go to the hospital before. And Nick had never hurt Jeff before without being influenced by alcohol. He was getting worse. He was hurting Jeff more often. "I never meant to hurt you." Nick whispered to Jeff as he took Jeff's hand in his. Jeff seemed to notice to touch and a smile crept on his face. Nick returned the smile with his own weak one. "I'm so sorry." He said. Though Jeff didn't hear it. Nick sighed and continued to watch Jeff. "So, so sorry…" And with that Nick leaned over to Jeff and kissed him lightly on the forehead. "I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too." Jeff replied sleepily.

"Jeff…" Nick said a little shocked. How long as he been awake?

"Good morning love." Jeff smiled up at Nick. Nick couldn't help but smile back.

"Good morning Jeffy."

Jeff attempted to sit up in the bed but quickly hissed in pain as his battered and bruised joints began to ache. Nick frowned. "I'm sorry."

"Nick…"

"Please don't Nick me Jeff."

"C-can we…can we just not talk about it Nicky? At least not right now…"

Nick smiled weakly at his husband. "Sure."

"What time is it?" Jeff asked. Nick turned around to check the clock before handing Jeff his glasses. "Five thirty-six."

"Thanks." Jeff said as he took his glasses and put them on. "Ahh, that's better." He said as he gave the brunet a weak smile.

"I love you Jeff."

"I love you too Nicky."

"Good."

"You know that though." Jeff said as he attempted to get out of bed again. He threw the covers off of him and frowned at the brace on his ankle. "Damn. I was hoping I had dreamt that."

"Dreamt what sweetie?"

"My ankle." Jeff said frowning. Nick immediately looked away in a mixture of shame and guilt.

"Oh…"

"Nick." Jeff pouted.

"No Jeff."

"Niiick."

"I should feel bad though Jeff! It's my fault! Honestly I don't even understand why you're trying to make me feel less guilty about it! Why you always try to make me not feel bad about it!"

"Because," Jeff began, "I love you. And I don't want to see the man that I love be sad." He said simply.

Nick laughed bitterly. "That's one of the things I love about you, ya'know?"

"What is?" Jeff asked, confused.

"The fact that your answers are so…simple. So child-like. So…innocent. You're like a child sometimes and…and well, I love it."

Jeff snorted. "That makes you sound like a pedophile Nicky."

Nick laughed lightly. "That's not what I meant!" He said as he threw a pillow at the blond. It hit and Jeff hissed in pain. "Jeff! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!"

"It's alright. I'm fine."

"You wouldn't be in pain if it wasn't for me…"

"Nick, don't…I…I thought we weren't going to talk about this right now. C-can we just please…can we just please have a normal conversation. Just this once act like…like the last ten years hadn't happened?"

Nick felt his heart break as Jeff spoke. He was finally seeing the true amount of pain in Jeff's voice. In his face. In his eyes. It was horrible. Nick knew he needed to do something. He needed to get help. He couldn't do this to Jeff anymore. He couldn't put him through any more Hell. Not anymore.

Nick gave Jeff's body a once-over. He was finally starting to see just how broken Jeff was. How…hurt. Jeff wasn't the same as when they were teenagers. He wasn't the same as he was before Nick started to drink. Before he started to beat him. Nick was beginning to realize just how much he changed Jeff. How much he…ruined him.

"I-I know…I'm just….really sorry." Nick said as he began to tear up. Jeff took his hand and squeezed it. "I broke you Jeff."

"Nick-"

"No Jeff! I broke you! I…I ruined you! You're broken and it's all my fault." Nick was sobbing at this point. Jeff gently stroked his back in an attempt to sooth the brunet. He's finally taking the blame. Jeff thought. "It's all my fault…You must hate me…" Nick finally said.

Jeff smiled faintly. "It's not your fault. No. You aren't the one I hate." It was true. Jeff hated a lot of things, but not Nick.

He hated that he never stood up for himself. He hated that he just let Nick go out and drink when he knew he had a problem. He hated that he just let himself be beat. He hated that he didn't fight back. He hated that he was weak and useless. He hated that Nick beat him. He hated that he never left, or even tried to leave. He hated that he couldn't leave. And most of all, he hated that he was still head over heals in love with Nick.

No, it wasn't Nick that Jeff hated. Jeff didn't hate Nick for what had happened over the last ten years. He hated himself.

"Jeff…"

"It's alright." Jeff quickly said.

"No it isn-"

"Can we just drop it?" Jeff asked a little more angrily then he meant to. "Please?" He said in a calmer tone.

"…Yeah…"

"Thank you…Now, what day is it?"

"Saturday."

"Great." Jeff said with a smile.

"Why is that great?"

"Because, that means that we can just stay in bed all day."

Nick laughed. "Like back at Dalton?"

"Like back at Dalton."

Nick smiled as he laid back down in the bed. A moment later he felt Jeff's thin frame curl against his. He couldn't help but smile wider. "I love you Jeff."

"You keep saying that like I'll forget it." Jeff teased.

"…I just really want you to know…"

"Then-"

"Get better?"

"…Y-yeah…"

"I will."

"Promise?"

"Yeah."

"Pinky-promise?" Jeff asked extending his pinky.

Nick laughed. "See? Child-like!" He said before wrapping his pinky around Jeff's. "But of course. It wont be like the other times."

"It'll get better."

"It'll be better."

"Soon."

"Soon."

"Good."

"…Jeff?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." Nick said smiling.

Jeff laughed. "Stop saying that so much!"

"I love youuu!"

Jeff smiled and threw his pillow at Nick lightly. "What did I just say!"

The two laughed. Really laughed. Like they used to when they were at Dalton. It was the first time in years that the two had both been laughing like this. That they had been happy. Not truly happy. Just…happy.

Once the two finally quit laughing Jeff spoke up. "Nick?"

"Yeah Jeffy?"

"I love you." And the two started laughing again.

"Jeff?" Jeff didn't reply. "Jeff?" Nick asked again looking up. He was asleep. Nick smiled softly. "Everything is going to be okay." He whispered. "It'll all work out in the end."

A few hours later Jeff limped out of the bedroom and saw Nick sitting on the sofa. Doing nothing. Not reading, not watching television. Nothing. Just sitting.

"Nick?"

Nick didn't look up. "Yeah?"

"…You okay?"

"I'm fine." He said with no expression in his voice.

"You sure?" Jeff said beginning to worry.

"Yeah."

"You don't sound fine."

"I'm fine." Nick said again, this time anger in his tone.

Jeff decided to drop it before Nick lost his temper. "O-okay…"

"Sorry."

"It's alright…What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah," Jeff began, "I noticed…why?"

"I-I'm just thinking."

"'Bout what?"

"Stuff…"

Jeff frowned. He hated when Nick gave him short answers. "W-what kind of stuff?" He knew he was beginning to press his luck but he didn't care. He wanted to make sure the brunet was alright.

"It's not important."

"Nick…"

"Stop it Jeff."

"But I'm worried." Jeff whined.

"Don't be." Nick replied coldly.

"Niiick." Jeff whined more.

"Stop."

"But-"

"Stop!" Nick said louder. "I'm fine. Everything is fine. I was just thinking." He said defensively.

Jeff frowned. "I know you well enough to know when something is wrong. You aren't fine. Please, tell me. Let me help you."

"Jeff," Nick began, "I'm fine. I was just thinking. I didn't want to do anything too noisy to wake you up. So just drop it."

"Nick…" Jeff said frowning.

"Stop." Nick demanded angrily as he stood up.

"No! I won-" Jeff was cut off by a hard slap to the face. He looked up at Nick with tears in his eyes and saw the anger in Nick's eyes immediately die and be replaced by remorse.

"Jeff I-"

"Go!" Jeff yelled as he clutched his already bruised cheek and began sobbing.

"…Jeff…"

"No! Just go!" Jeff yelled.

Nick frowned. "I-I'm so sorry Jeffy-"

"Don't! Just g-get out of here." Jeff yelled. Nick bent down to examine Jeff's hurt cheek. "Get the fuck out of here!" Jeff screamed as he turned away from Nick.

Nick looked like an injured puppy as he left the felt horrible. He felt even worse when he heard Jeff begin to sob harder as he left the apartment.

Jeff curled himself into a tight ball and cried. "He's never going to change. It's never going to get better. It's always going to be like this. It's a never ending cycle. It'll never end. He's always going to be this way. He wont change He can't change." Jeff said to himself as he sobbed. "He's never going to fucking change. It's never going to fucking get better." He began to sob harder. "It's been this way for ten years. It's always going to be like this. I was an idiot for believing him. For believing him all these years."

"I have to get out." Jeff got up and started walking to his bedroom. He quickly grabbed a bag and started stuffing all of his clothes in it. Once he was finished with the clothes he went around the entire apartment and took anything that held any value. He gave the apartment one last once-over before he started to walk towards the door.

And then something stopped him. A picture of him and Nick. A picture of Nick last summer on his twenty-seventh birthday. A picture where the two were wrapped in a tight embrace and were smiling like idiots. A picture that Jeff looked at every day since it was taken.

He stared at the picture in confusion. The two in the photo were…happy. At least, that's how it seemed. It didn't look like them to Jeff. They were smiling and truly happy in the photo. Jeff couldn't remember the last time he was truly happy. He remembered the night the photo was taken…but he couldn't remember being happy then. He couldn't remember ever being happy. At least not in the last ten years.

He took the photo out of the frame and looked at the back. It read 'Nick, I love you. XO Jeff'. Then the words became illegible. The ink swirled together as a drop of water hit in. Jeff burrowed his brows in confusion. Another drop of water hit the photo and the ink became less legible. Where was the water coming from? He looked up at the ceiling. No leaks. He looked down at the photo and another drop hit.

He then realized he was crying. He was crying because he knew he couldn't leave. Not like this. He couldn't live without Nick. He was the love of his life. His soulmate. He loved him too much.

Jeff limped back into the kitchen and cried on the floor. "It's never going to be better…Never." He said dully. He finally sat up. "I can't live without Nick…I love him…but I can't do it anymore…I just…can't." He said as he began to sob again. He sat on the floor for a while in silence. He didn't move the entire time. Not an inch.

He then suddenly got up and shuffled through the medicine cabinet. His ankle was killing him and he had some pain meds left from when Nick broke his arm six months ago. It was a little over half full still. He popped two and walked into his room where he sat on the bed for a while, putting the bottle in his pocket.

He then got up, grabbed a pen and paper and began writing. Maybe that'll help me feel better…

Jeff wrote for some time, every couple of minutes crumbling the paper and throwing it across the room. Finally, after an hour or so he finally figured out what he needed to say.

When he was done writing he reached in his pocket and grabbed the medicine. He quietly read the bottle, over and over again. He was willing to do anything to distract himself from reality, even if it was only for a minute.

"Fuck it."

A few hours later Nick came racing in the house excited. "Jeff! Jeff! I did it! I finally did it! I got help- or at least I'm going to! I found a place that offers AA and anger management! I start next week! Jeff!"

There was no response.

"Jeff?" No response. "Jeff?" He called again. No response. "Are you asleep?" He asked walking towards the bedroom. On the way to his bedroom something caught his eye. A white piece of paper was taped over the picture of him and Jeff at his birthday. "Weird…" He read it and began to shake. "Jeff!" He yelled, running to the bedroom. He was horrified at the sight.

The room was a mess. There was crumpled up paper everywhere and he saw a pill bottle on the floor. He ran towards the bottle and noticed that it was full. He sighed in relief. He didn't kill himself. Nick was relieved. At least he could try and work things out with Jeff. He only had to find him.

He glanced down and read the note once again. It read;

Nicky,

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you. I love you so much. You're my soul mate. But…I can't live with you anymore. You're never going to change and I can't take it anymore. I just can't. I'm so sorry Nicky. Please, forgive me. I love you. I always will.

Love,

Jeff.

Nick sighed again and noticed his clothes were damp from his sweat and tears. He opened his closet door and screamed at the sight.

Jeff was in the closet with a rope wrapped around his neck.

(A.N:/ And that would be the end of the story. I was going to give it a happy ending but I just felt like this one just fit better. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the story…as much as one can enjoy a sad story. Psh, I wrote this chapter in one sitting and now I'm very tired. -_- XOXO)


	5. Alternant Ending

(A.N:/ Alright, so I got an anon that suggested that I write a second ending to this fic I wrote a little while back (which is actually one of my favourite Niff things I've ever written…just throwing that out there haha.) Anyway, I know the original ending was like super sad because up until the last couple of lines everything seemed like it was going to get better and there was going to be a happy ending and I was all "jk, here's a dead Jeff. Deuces." Ha, I'm a troll like that. :D Anyway, It starts off a little sad because I had to re-used one of the final chapter scenes so it would make sense…it isn't the ending though, just the fight! But yeah, hope you guys enjoy!)

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><p>Nick sighed deeply as he gazed at the blond. Jeff had fallen asleep hours ago but Nick couldn't bring himself to fall asleep. He knew he had hurt Jeff before but this time was…different. Jeff had never <em>begged<em> to go to the hospital before. And Nick had never hurt Jeff before without being influenced by alcohol. He was getting worse. He was hurting Jeff more often. "I never meant to hurt you." Nick whispered to Jeff as he took Jeff's hand in his. Jeff seemed to notice to touch and a smile crept on his face. Nick returned the smile with his own weak one. "I'm so sorry." He said. Though Jeff didn't hear it. Nick sighed and continued to watch Jeff. "So, so sorry…" And with that Nick leaned over to Jeff and kissed him lightly on the forehead. "I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too." Jeff replied sleepily.

"Jeff…" Nick said a little shocked. How long as he been awake?

"Good morning love." Jeff smiled up at Nick. Nick couldn't help but smile back.

"Good morning Jeffy."

Jeff attempted to sit up in the bed but quickly hissed in pain as his battered and bruised joints began to ache. Nick frowned. "I'm sorry."

"Nick…"

"Please don't Nick me Jeff."

"C-can we…can we just not talk about it Nicky? At least not right now…"

Nick smiled weakly at his husband. "Sure."

"What time is it?" Jeff asked. Nick turned around to check the clock before handing Jeff his glasses. "Five thirty-six."

"Thanks." Jeff said as he took his glasses and put them on. "Ahh, that's better." He said as he gave the brunet a weak smile.

"I love you Jeff."

"I love you too Nicky."

"Good."

"You know that though." Jeff said as he attempted to get out of bed again. He threw the covers off of him and frowned at the brace on his ankle. "Damn. I was hoping I had dreamt that."

"Dreamt what sweetie?"

"My ankle." Jeff said frowning. Nick immediately looked away in a mixture of shame and guilt.

"Oh…"

"Nick." Jeff pouted.

"No Jeff."

"Niiick."

"I should feel bad though Jeff! It's my fault! Honestly I don't even understand why you're trying to make me feel less guilty about it! Why you always try to make me not feel bad about it!"

"Because," Jeff began, "I love you. And I don't want to see the man that I love be sad." He said simply.

Nick laughed bitterly. "That's one of the things I love about you, ya'know?"

"What is?" Jeff asked, confused.

"The fact that your answers are so…simple. So child-like. So…innocent. You're like a child sometimes and…and well, I love it."

Jeff snorted. "That makes you sound like a pedophile Nicky."

Nick laughed lightly. "That's not what I meant!" He said as he threw a pillow at the blond. It hit and Jeff hissed in pain. "Jeff! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!"

"It's alright. I'm fine."

"You wouldn't be in pain if it wasn't for me…"

"Nick, don't…I…I thought we weren't going to talk about this right now. C-can we just please…can we just please have a normal conversation. Just this once act like…like the last ten years hadn't happened?"

Nick felt his heart break as Jeff spoke. He was finally seeing the true amount of pain in Jeff's voice. In his face. In his eyes. It was horrible. Nick _knew_ he needed to do _something_. He _needed_ to get help. He couldn't do this to Jeff anymore. He couldn't put him through any more Hell. Not anymore.

Nick gave Jeff's body a once-over. He was finally starting to see just how broken Jeff was. How…_hurt_. Jeff wasn't the same as when they were teenagers. He wasn't the same as he was before Nick started to drink. Before he started to beat him. Nick was beginning to realize just how much he changed Jeff. How much he…ruined him.

"I-I know…I'm just….really sorry." Nick said as he began to tear up. Jeff took his hand and squeezed it. "I broke you Jeff."

"Nick-"

"No Jeff! I broke you! I…I _ruined_ you! You're broken and it's all my fault." Nick was sobbing at this point. Jeff gently stroked his back in an attempt to sooth the brunet. _He's finally taking the blame._ Jeff thought. "It's all my fault…You must hate me…" Nick finally said.

Jeff smiled faintly. "It's not your fault. No. You aren't the one I hate." It was true. Jeff hated a lot of things, but not Nick.

He hated that he never stood up for himself. He hated that he just _let_ Nick go out and drink when he _knew_ he had a problem. He hated that he just let himself be beat. He hated that he didn't fight back. He hated that he was weak and useless. He hated that Nick beat him. He hated that he never left, or even tried to leave. He hated that he _couldn't_ leave. And most of all, he hated that he was still head over heals in love with Nick.

No, it wasn't Nick that Jeff hated. Jeff didn't hate Nick for what had happened over the last ten years. He hated _himself_.

"Jeff…"

"It's alright." Jeff quickly said.

"No it isn-"

"Can we just drop it?" Jeff asked a little more angrily then he meant to. "Please?" He said in a calmer tone.

"…Yeah…"

"Thank you…Now, what day is it?"

"Saturday."

"Great." Jeff said with a smile.

"Why is that great?"

"Because, that means that we can just stay in bed all day."

Nick laughed. "Like back at Dalton?"

"Like back at Dalton."

Nick smiled as he laid back down in the bed. A moment later he felt Jeff's thin frame curl against his. He couldn't help but smile wider. "I love you Jeff."

"You keep saying that like I'll forget it." Jeff teased.

"…I just really want you to know…"

"Then-"

"Get better?"

"…Y-yeah…"

"I will."

"Promise?"

"Yeah."

"Pinky-promise?" Jeff asked extending his pinky.

Nick laughed. "See? Child-like!" He said before wrapping his pinky around Jeff's. "But of course. It wont be like the other times."

"It'll get better."

"It'll _be_ better."

"Soon."

"Soon."

"Good."

"…Jeff?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." Nick said smiling.

Jeff laughed. "Stop saying that so much!"

"I love youuu!"

Jeff smiled and threw his pillow at Nick lightly. "What did I just say!"

The two laughed. Really laughed. Like they used to when they were at Dalton. It was the first time in years that the two had both been laughing like this. That they had been happy. Not truly happy. Just…happy.

Once the two finally quit laughing Jeff spoke up. "Nick?"

"Yeah Jeffy?"

"I love you." And the two started laughing again.

"Jeff?" Jeff didn't reply. "Jeff?" Nick asked again looking up. He was asleep. Nick smiled softly. "Everything is going to be okay." He whispered. "It'll all work out in the end."

A few hours later Jeff limped out of the bedroom and saw Nick sitting on the sofa. Doing nothing. Not reading, not watching television. Nothing. Just sitting.

"Nick?"

Nick didn't look up. "Yeah?"

"…You okay?"

"I'm fine." He said with no expression in his voice.

"You sure?" Jeff said beginning to worry.

"Yeah."

"You don't sound fine."

"I'm fine." Nick said again, this time anger in his tone.

Jeff decided to drop it before Nick lost his temper. "O-okay…"

"Sorry."

"It's alright…What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah," Jeff began, "I noticed…why?"

"I-I'm just thinking."

"'Bout what?"

"Stuff…"

Jeff frowned. He hated when Nick gave him short answers. "W-what kind of stuff?" He knew he was beginning to press his luck but he didn't care. He wanted to make sure the brunet was alright.

"It's not important."

"Nick…"

"Stop it Jeff."

"But I'm worried." Jeff whined.

"Don't be." Nick replied coldly.

"Niiick." Jeff whined more.

"Stop."

"But-"

"Stop!" Nick said louder. "I'm fine. Everything is fine. I was just thinking." He said defensively.

Jeff frowned. "I know you well enough to know when something is wrong. You aren't fine. Please, tell me. Let me help you."

"Jeff," Nick began, "I'm fine. I was just thinking. I didn't want to do anything too noisy to wake you up. So just drop it."

"Nick…" Jeff said frowning.

"Stop." Nick demanded angrily as he stood up.

"No! I won-" Jeff was cut off by a hard slap to the face. He looked up at Nick with tears in his eyes and saw the anger in Nick's eyes immediately die and be replaced by remorse.

"Jeff I-"

"Go!" Jeff yelled as he clutched his already bruised cheek and began sobbing.

"…Jeff…"

"No! Just go!" Jeff yelled.

Nick frowned. "I-I'm so sorry Jeffy-"

"Don't! Just g-get out of here." Jeff yelled. Nick bent down to examine Jeff's hurt cheek. "Get the fuck out of here!" Jeff screamed as he turned away from Nick.

"Jeff?" Nick called as he walked into their tiny apartment. He walked in awkwardly as if he wasn't meant to be there, and a little part of him felt like he wasn't. He hurt Jeff. _His_ Jeff. The only person who remained by his side no matter what. When he dropped out of college, the first time he lost his job, when he started drinking. Jeff was always there, no matter what. Even when Nick beat the crap out of him, he never left. Not once.

"In here." Nick heard Jeff reply in a small, obviously upset, voice. It broke Nick's heart to hear Jeff sound so defeated. So broken.

Nick made his way into their bedroom and saw Jeff sitting on the floor, his back resting against the bed. Nick frowned a little. "That's going to hurt your back Jeffy."

Jeff looked down at his lap. "It doesn't matter." He said, his voice hoarse from all his crying.

Nick sat down beside Jeff and carefully pulled the blond into his arms. Nick couldn't help but notice how thin Jeff had gotten recently, most likely because of stress that Nick caused and lack of money for actual food. The blond felt fragile in his arms and it only made Nick want to hold him closer and protect him from the world, even though the only thing Jeff really needed protecting from was him. Nick let out a small gasp of shock when he felt Jeff wiggle around so he was facing him. Jeff looked up at Nick was sad eyes that were puffy and slightly red from crying, making Nick's heart break even more. The two sat in silence for some time, not moving, just staring at each other before Jeff finally made the first move. He tangled his frail arms around Nick's neck and pressed his face against Nick's chest, crumbling against the brunet. "Jeff…I'm so sorry…"

"You need to get better Nicky." Jeff sobbed, clinging onto the brunet for dear life.

Nick started to tear up. "I know…and I want to. When I left I went to the community center and turn out they offer free anger management and AA. I signed up."

Jeff moved so he could look Nick in the eyes. "R-really?" He choked out.

Nick smiled fondly at Jeff as he cupped Jeff's cheeks, using his thumbs to rub away his tears. He leaned down and softly kissed Jeff's forehead. "Really." The two were then silent for a few minutes while Jeff finished sobbing and finally was able to control himself. "I start next week." Nick said, looking down at Jeff, waiting for him to speak.

Jeff smiled weakly. "I'm glad."

"Me too." Nick said, kissing Jeff on the lips this time. The kiss was soft and gentle, the opposite of what Jeff was used to. He was used to Nick being drunk and trying to cram his tongue down Jeff's throat, so it was defiantly different. But a good different. "I love you Jeffy." Nick said softly.

Jeff smiled a little. "I love you too Nicky."

"And I'm going to get better. I need to, for you."

Jeff sighed a little. "Don't do it just for me. Do it for you too. You're amazing Nicky and you could accomplish so many great things if you were sober and could control your outbursts. I know you could. You being sober is the best thing that could happen to us right now."

Nick nodded. "And once I get better I'll be able to actually hold down a job."

Jeff smiled. "And then we can move into a nicer apartment."

"And then maybe in a few years we could adopt a baby. I know how much you want to start a family and maybe we can someday…after I get better."

Jeff kissed Nick gently and smiled. "Well the first step is admitting you have a problem and I'm go glad that you are. I'm so proud of you Nicky."

Nick shook his head. "Don't be. Not yet. Save your pride for when I've completed those thirteen steps."

Jeff laughed lightly. "I'm pretty sure there are only twelve…and that they're all about God…"

Nick laughed with Jeff, something that felt weird to the both of them. It felt like years since either of them truly laughed, and it _had_ been years since the two of them laughed together. "Fine, save it for when I get better." Nick replied, softly.

Jeff smiled. "I don't think I can. This is the first time you've ever actually signed up for classes. What happened to the 'I don't need others help' Nick?"

"He ran off when it finally hit me just how much I was hurting you and how badly I needed to get help. I'm supposed to protect you from pain, not cause it…and that's what I'm going to do from now on."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

And Nick stayed true to that promise. After six months of going to meetings for his anger and alcoholism Nick had become a completely new man. He took online classes to finish college. He got a job as a secretary and worked his way up until a year later where he became a co-manager of a medium sized business. Because of the extra cash they were bringing in from Nick's job and how much they were saving on not buying alcohol, Jeff was able to quit one of his two jobs and the two moved into a nicer apartment.

Three years later the two moved into their very own three bedroom house which after two years of living there became full with two children.

Jeff couldn't help but smile to himself as he laid in bed, watching his husband sleep soundly. Six years ago, he would have never expected to have a house, two kids and another on the way, but most of all, he would have never expected to be this happy.

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><p>(A.N: Yay for happy endings! :D Ha, although I prefer the original ending I have to say that I like this one too. Believe it or not, I do like a happy ending too haha I just usually write sad ones XD Anyway, hope you guys liked this and wow…reading over this story…I didn't know I used that much dialog! Like there's almost no description! Geez! But yeah, I hope you guys liked this ending! :D XOXO)


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